Dear Jelly Teeth,

Do you mind if I call you Jellyteeth? I prefer it, and I'm just gonna do it.

I'm not particularly excited about the Top 12 this season. http://www.americanidol.com/contestants/season_9/

Do you think anyone will approach the delight of DeadWife's Screech Heard Around The World? There are few things that I enjoy more than comeuppance, and I got it when that smug kiss-ass finally and spectacularly failed. It sure is a dish best served loud.

I still can't help but roll around and giggle in a schadenfreude fit:



I probably shouldn't do that in the office.

I'm not sure that any of these bozos are capable of delicious failure largely because I don't think any of them are hatable enough. Like, who cares? I can barely remember their names. I remember some of the girls' hairdos, but two of the best ones were kicked off last week. I'd like to vote for an all hair band featuring girl-group harmonies and the respective mops of Lilly, Katelyn and Lacey.

Anyway, Jellyteeth, at least tonight IS Rolling Stones night and this milquetoast crew should be just lame enough to amsue. Man, bets on who's gonna do Jagger's rooster strut? I bet Lacey is desperate enough to try it, but I sure hope it's Katie. Oh, God, nope, it's gonna be Kara.

I'll wait for your letter.

Dialing it up to 11 just for you,
Cold Cuts